Over and over again, people have innocently asked me, “Why are you sitting/eating alone?” “Are you here/going there by yourself?” and other similar questions regarding my solitude and independence. After two quarters, I wish I was ballsy enough to contest them and tell them that I despise repeatedly hearing these questions. They hold some foreboding insinuation that it’s wrong to be alone, despite our former selves blissfully reveling in such seclusion. I remember the younger version of myself happily playing by herself and not questioning the lack of company.
It saddens me that these questions make me to feel obligated to surround myself with people that I may or may not like or know well anymore. They even make me superficially self conscious about my social skills, which I confess may need to be revived after this year.
Even more, it bothers me that people attribute solitude and self autonomy to loneliness. Lately, I’ve been thinking about the concept of attachment within the context of Buddhist belief. Two years ago, I mentioned that I was in the process of converting from Catholicism to Buddhism. Again, it’s still a work in progress. Haha. In the summer, I sought my mentor’s insight about Buddhism and she described how Buddhists believe that transcendence into enlightenment required detachment from the temporal world. With my yearlong commuting hiatus, I’ve acknowledged that I kept resisting against releasing my attachments to the campus and to the people there. For “coming of age” reasons, I think I needed the separation from Irvine.
Living in a hall last year taught me that I’m less productive in “study” groups and that I allowed myself to be too susceptible to a distasteful group mindset. Meanwhile, living at home this year showed me that I can no longer enjoy privacy without interruptions from my family. Commuting, the one daily routine that I dread, has ironically provided me with that necessary solitude.
Yet, I’ll admit that I miss my high school friends and other people every day and that I feel alone at times, but I’ve come to value my seclusion. A fast-paced life with frequent interaction with people hasn’t left me with much space and time to explore my interests and myself. In hindsight, I’ve learned more about myself in seclusion than I have in others’ presence. I’ve finally accepted that seeking validation from people has exhausted me physically and emotionally. The more I comport myself in this way, the more I lose sight of my younger and happier self.
With one more day, I’m grateful that my final teenage year has offered me its final lesson: Solitude isn’t an affliction or a burden. It’s a gift.
how do fish have sex
the female lay their eggs in the water, then the male puts their sperm on the eggs.
so they don’t even get to touch the booty what a waste
why do you think nemo wanted to touch the butt so bad
- F. Scott Fizgerald (via psych-facts)
the only card i will ever send
Elsa’s birthday card for Anna
WHY IS NOBODY TALKING ABOUT LUPITA’S PHOTOBOMB OMFG
russia coming 15 minutes late to the 1917 revolution holding a tsarbucks
15 minutes late they clearly weren’t
looks like they were
you guys are putin way too much time into this
OH FOR FUCK’S SAKE
THEIR SLOGAN IS “STRONGER THAN GREASE”
AND I WAS LIKE OKAY YEAH MAKES SENSE FOR A DISH SOAP- WAIT
AJAX WAS A GREEK SOLDIER RENOWNED FOR HIS STRENGTH
AJAX IS STRONGER THAN ALL OF GREECE
someone who worked at ajax has literally waited 66 years for you to get this
Ajax the Greater waited godamned 5000 years to get that recognition.
- Intro: State of the Hip-Hop Union Address
- Track 1: How Do My Presidential Balls Taste?
- Track 2: Obamacare For Ya Mama
- Track 3: Vetoing The Pussy feat: The First Lady
- Track 4: Rock the Vote After I Rock Ya Headboard
- Track 5: I Got the CIA Fucking With Me
- Track 6: White House Sanctioned Murder feat: Wild Joe Biden
- Track 7: Government Lockdown (Fuck the Repubs)
- Track 8: Senate Massacre
- Track 9: Executive Branch Evil
- Track 10: Harvard Hitman
- Outro: Re-Elect a Real Nigga When You See One
- Bonus Track: What You Mean Declined? (The Deficit’s Trying To Kill Me)
this track list was too good I had to reblog again
oh my god